Maximizing Vitality When You’re Singin’ The Holiday Blues
By: Phyllis Alongi, LPC, ACS and Katthe Wolf, Chief Executive Officer
If you are eagerly looking forward to gathering with family and friends for the upcoming holidays, snuggling around the fireplace with cups of eggnog or hot chocolate, baking cookies (or frying latkes) with your kids, nieces and nephews, or basking in the love and light of the season, this blog is not for you.
If you look forward to December--to the parties, the gift-giving and gift-receiving, or the sumptuous feasts--this blog is not for you.
If, on the other hand, thinking about the winter holidays fills you with dread, sadness, or anxiety, or if you wish the holidays could just somehow be cancelled and life could stay normal, read on.
For many of us, holidays can trigger feelings of depression and anxiety. The differences between who our families are and who we'd like them to be can be heartbreaking—or just extremely annoying. Navigating the impossible expectations related to what we can't afford to give (especially when it comes to our kids) and what we aren't going to get can be incredibly stressful. If this year's losses were tough to weather, reflecting on them in the heart of darkness can be excruciating. Even those of us who feel fine (or better than fine) in our normal lives can get really dysregulated and out of balance when the world stops to engage in the annual holiday rituals, especially if the rituals aren't meaningful or fun for us. Emotions tend to run high during the holidays in general, and it can be a tough season to keep it together when you aren't feeling that your life is “social media ready.”
10 ways to hold onto your vitality and avoid becoming "unwrapped" during the holiday season:
1. Give yourself a break, lower your expectations, and make peace with what is. Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself or your family to anyone else's.
2. Don't overspend and put yourself into a financial situation that you'll have to recover from for a good part of the new year. Instead of emotionally unraveling over finding the perfect gift, give an experience, perhaps a coupon book for free services you’ll provide (i.e. a foot rub, or cook a favorite dessert). Instead of trying to buy everything on your kids' wish list, consider this an opportunity to teach them about the joy of being together and the values of love and spirit.
3. Mourn your losses. Allow yourself to grieve if you need to. Don't force yourself to put on a happy face.
4. Just say no. We give you permission to opt out. You don't have to be where you don't want to be. Many gatherings can get by without you. You have choices and you can exercise them. You can be with who needs you the most and/or whose company you enjoy, doing things that feel good for you. Even if that means binge-watching reruns on Netflix, diving into a constructive art or D-I-Y project, leaving the country, or focusing on your self-care.
5. Speaking of which, stay with your self-care routines. Know that drinking too much alcohol or eating too much junk food and getting seriously out of balance with your positive habits will only make things worse.
6. Make sure to spend time with your "chosen" family. Many of us have "sister friends" and surrogate parents that mean more to us than the biological ones. There’s no reason to abandon them this time of year.
7. Plan ahead. Sometimes it helps to have a strategy for navigating social events. Focusing on having one meaningful interaction with someone you really like can take the pressure off of having to work the whole room. Choose wisely when to "make an appearance" (and an excuse) and when to settle in.
8. Take a break from family feuds. Consider setting aside differences, calling a truce, and suspending any longstanding or lingering grudges. Maybe taking a time-out from conflict will free up your energy for happiness and peace.
9. Get your creative mojo flowing and treat this time of year as an opportunity for reinventing your relationship to the things and people who bring you down.
10. Tune-in to what your body and soul most want and try giving it to yourself instead of trying to get it from others. Schedule a massage-- or, better yet, a therapy session (this is good advice for any time of year!).
January is coming, and life will return to normal. This, too, shall pass. Meanwhile, go easy on yourself and give yourself space to breathe and to be. And a cheerful "bah, humbug" to you and yours!
